a relationship truly begins when both the man and the woman are completely unburdened and healed and then choose each other with all their heart.

what we like, what we don’t, what we’re scared of - all can be affected by what our parts in us think.

perhaps what we find beautiful and attractive right now, in our burdened states, is not what we’d really like if we were guided by the Self.

a relationship has its struggles, and issues that arise from our inner burdens and our hurt parts. but merely telling each other we’re worth it and the like will not solve the problem. or merely fighting over it or blaming each other will not solve the problem.

being kind and compassionate to ourselves and each other, and slowly healing ourselves is the way. and then when we are completely healed, we understand what we really want, and we choose each other - or not.

and this requires a lot of patience as well.
as you get to know a person more and more,
as the novelty fades away,
the scars become evident.

sure, all this sounds simple. but it’s not easy.
i too have run away from myself, buried my anguishes, hurt myself, filled myself with rage, told myself it’s normal, it is what it is, lashed out at myself, blamed others - but it takes a lot to confront yourselves and admit to yourselves about what you’ve done.

but don’t blame yourself.
the destructive things you might have done, it’s not because you’re evil. your parts who have a limited worldview and vision thought it’s best for you. they’re trying to help you out. acknowledge them, thank them for what they do to us. and ask them why they do so. listen to them open up. and lovingly tell them it’s not the way to do things, and let them heal.

again, easier said than done.
it takes a lot of courage.
and a whole lot of compassion.

well, i don’t expect anyone to understand all this in one go.
it took me two years just to unlearn what i had learnt and learn the fundamentals. i used to think strength was all about muscles and possessions and money and being cocky and rude. i used to watch “reject modernity, embrace masculinity” videos all the time - again, no hate to anyone, but hating on others and worshipping superficial versions of “masculinity” like fictional superheroes and steroid junkies is not strength.

i am no saint.
i have done things i’m not proud of.
i could tell myself i would have done things differently
if i were given a second chance,
but, i don’t know.
but i do have hope.
and i do feel His mercy, even though at times i seem to forget about it.