over the past few days, i realized how much resentment i carry within me. burdens i have carried for many years, burdens i should have put down a long time ago. you think you’re over it, because it’s been so many years, but then you got thrown into situations, and that’s when you realize, you merely put a lid on it and kept it away, thinking it would disappear, but right now it’s pulsing and bleeding, like a fresh-cut wound. right in front of you.

one thing i have understood over these past few days is that resentment and hatred slowly mould you into the person or the group you loathe. i know this might sound crazy, but i think it’s true. it’s because you’re giving them a lot of mindspace and their mannerisms and activities, even though it hurt you, becomes second nature to your brain, and thus you unknowingly turn into the people you hate.

how do i know? recently i realized that a certain behavior i have had over the years, wasn’t from anyone in my family. i unknowingly adopted it from a person, let’s say, i don’t have a good relationship with. i mean, this might sound simple to you, but it was very shocking for me, because this thing i exhibited wasn’t me all along, but something alien.

i then stumbled on a luke smith video that kind of tells the same thing.

there’s a reason why the Lord told us to forgive our enemies. not just because it is something noble, but bottling up rage isn’t good for us, and forgiving can be an act of kindness towards ourselves too.