NB: ik battlefield is even more real, but i never played it (except for bad company 2), so i can’t talk about it.

i used to adore war. i thought joining a war would grant me a sense of purpose, belonging and brotherhood. i thought it would make me “stronger” and “more masculine”. i thought maybe i’m missing some war in my life. hell, if the pope had called a crusade, i would have joined instantly.

my teachers gaves notes on the wars, the “reasons”, the parties involved, the aftermath, all in perfect bullet points. they jotted down the names and years in the blackboard and told us to memorize so that we could regurgitate it onto the paper for more marks.

but none of these teachers of mine taught me war is hell, that war is something we should not aspire for.

it was call of duty who taught me that.
well, certainly not the modern multiplayer slop xD.

my first call of duty game was call of duty 4: modern warfare. i remember getting “fun” out of shooting people and running around, but then i’d die, and then i’d see quotes like these:

• “An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.” - Gandhi
• “Before you embark on a journey of revenge, you should first dig two graves.” - Confucius
• “It is the soldier who must suffer and bear the deepest wounds and scars of war.” - Douglas MacArthur
• “In modern warfare there are no victors; there are only survivors.” - Lyndon B. Johnson
• “Revenge, at first though sweet, bitter ere long back on itself recoils.” - John Milton
• “Those who plot the destruction of others often perish in the attempt.” - Thomas Moore
• “Older men declare war. But it is the youth that must fight and die.” - Herbert Hoover

and i was like, what? why am i seeing quotes about the dangers of war? i’m having “fun” killing my enemies.

but as time went on, it dawned on me: this ain’t fun. who would want to live in a world torn apart, riddled by violence and hatred, where people have no hope of the future, and are constantly living in fear?

i know call of duty does not absolutely portray the gruesome experience of real-life war, but it has given me a peek into what war might look like, for someone who has never lived through war, even though it’s primary focus is entertainment.

hours of gameplay, ears ringing, ruins and fire all around, the cries, the despair looming in the air.
to put it mildly - a tiny replica of war.

certain missions gave me a very different outlook.
the infamous no russian mission in call of duty: modern warfare 2 (2009), oh God. it is a wild ethical dilemma. what would you do: willingly be part of a war crime, killing innocent people and children, because you don’t want to blow your cover as a good guy masquerading as a terrorist to get wind of their movements and alert the higher-ups, or fight against it, get spotted and destroy the single source of information the good guys have?

davis family vacation in call of duty: modern warfare 3 (2011) is another mission that comes to mind. in this mission, we play as a father holding a camcorder, capturing a video of his wife and his sweet little daughter joyously walking through the streets of london. as they’re having fun, a box truck beside the road explodes, killing the family while the camcorder keeps on recording it. we just lie there, helpless.

hometown in call of duty: modern warfare (2019) is one of the scariest missions i have ever seen.

passenger in MWIII (2023) drew a lot of flak and criticism, but i think it was impactful. this reddit comment describes it best: “can you imagine being on that plane? seeing an arabic-looking woman strapped with a bomb vest and holding a gun? the desperation of the people trying to stop her, then the woman frantically picking up the phone at the end and everyone dying is f—— haunting.”

truly makes you think.

we see it everywhere:
perpetuating war and hatred is one way of increasing the vote bank in the name of “nationalism”. ragebait and hate speech spreads 100x faster than wholesome news, and gathers more reactions. cricketers politicizing sports events.

but hatred is never a solution. i realized it through my own actions. the initial kick of power feels good, but the guilt that follows and the hearts you broke in the process, the friendships you destroyed, it quietly kills you. but fortunately, i was absolved and they were kind enough to forgive me. i thank them for that everyday. and it taught me a lesson: aggression and rage is never an answer.

strive for peace, not war.