i really dislike the concepts attached to the mainstream God.

stuff like:

• God is an evil dictator who puts humans through torture whenever he (he? that’s another rabbithole, but i’ll just keep saying “he” for now) can.
• God keeps a scoreboard for every human, and if you sin more, that means it’s hell time. (but at the same time, God is merciful, so yeah, thanks for clearing up the confusion.)
• God made us weak and sinful, and we can’t do shit. and God requires us to cling onto us to basically function.

i dislike this idea propagated by Catholic preachers
that you aren’t enough, you aren’t worthy, but God can complete you.

if you don’t know what to do, just keep on praying and God will tell you what your purpose is. if you wanna do something but you just can’t, just pray and God will do it for you.
who do you think God is: a magic man? a genie?

and what’s worse is, we can’t do anything without God, therefore we should always lower down before him, and basically beg for everything.

i think this is misunderstanding and disrespecting God.

that’s what all these preachers say. that you’re a useless piece of shit, but God can make you useful. so yeah, keep on telling yourself that you’re worthless, but pray incessantly to make you feel better.

i mean, i get it, humans are imperfect.
we do have problems.
but that doesn’t mean we’re useless.
and my questioning doesn’t mean that we don’t require a God.

i too have my times of weakness and desperation where i desperately call God. but i now understand that God has given me the faculties to figure out a solution. and I have experiences where God has opened new portals for me.

let me try to explain how I view my relationship with God with a father-son analogy:

imagine there’s a father and a son.

the father loves the son, does what is required for him, but is careful to not spoil him. he knows that the son is dependent on him, but he knows that one day, his son will grow up, and he will find his own path and be his own person. sure, there’ll be times when the son is lost, but the father provides care and direction to the son. and he doesn’t enforce his dreams onto his son.

what if the father is adamant that the son must rely on him at all times, and not think and choose for himself?

that’s not a loving God, that’s a reddit mod on a power trip.

if your idea of a God is this, then i feel sorry for you.

My God is not like this!