i hear people say that children nowadays are so addicted to their phones. kids who scream like crazy when their phone is taken away from them, kids who need their phone to even eat.

they blame the parents because they give their kids phones at a very young age, so that they wouldn’t disturb them while they’re working or watching TV. they conclude it by saying “it’s the end times” and “this generation is doomed”.

their solutions range from:

• “you gotta stop giving children phones.”
• “parents must spend time with children.”
• “turn to God, every one of your problems will be solved.”

they blame smartphone & social media companies for creating addictive user experiences.
but are these really solutions?

i think the real question to ask is:
why does this happen?
why do parents give their children phones at a very young age?

i think i got to know why when i recently spent some time with a child.

unconditional love is a prerequisite for the development of a child. i’m no expert, but from an evolutionary perspective, children are made very cute and adorable to kind of align with this prerequisite. they require so much love and attention, so much up to the point where the parents have to be so selfless and devoted to the child.

and it is possible for the parents to do so if they’re unburdened. it should be - that’s how we’re built. but most people, including myself, carry burdens of their past and are deformed by previous experiences. therefore it’s hard for us to love and be completely in peace with ourselves. and if we cannot love ourselves, how could we love anyone else?

empathy would not arise from a heart that has been riddled by internal conflict.

that’s what i learnt when i spent time with the 3 year old. at first, it felt joyous and genuinely fun, and i had so much love for her, and i made it my mission to make her feel loved and happy. but after a while, it started getting real difficult for me. the kid kept on demanding for love, (i don’t mean in a bad way) and in the end, i was completely drained of energy. to give the kid the love she wanted and rightfully deserved, i had to be selfless. but in my current state, i was incapable of it.

most people, like me, are incapable of it, but instead of working on ourselves, our parts try to fix the symptoms. (eg. addiction, closing in, burying memories etc.)

giving kids the phone is such a shortcut, in my opinion. no need to be with the kid and attend to everything, they could just evade the whole thing. but that comes with serious costs.